Lovely Iver, Lost Boys...Love Link?

Posted in i live life now blog

I turned on the news during my lunch today, something I very rarely do. My mom used to be my news condenser always filling me on world events I needed to know, now I simply choose what I want to read or engage in with regards to news.

There were the usual discussions and news stories and one that is circulating around social media about Baby Iver the newborn that will never know his mother. It is a tragic story for any parent to watch about a mother who was on life support long enough to have her baby be delivered and upon delivery she was removed from life support and died. Now with a premature newborn and the loss of his wife the father is devastated. BUT one thread weaves through this story; love. The love the father shows towards his new son is inspiring and uplifting at the same time it is heartbreaking.

What I find so interesting is immediately after reporting about this story of love and hope in the face of great grief the news followed up with this: Two 17 year olds face charges in Quebec triple murder.

Perhaps I am the only one who finds this interesting that we continue to propagate the grim and disturbing acts of so many people in society who have had one fundamental problem which is intricately linked to the Baby Iver story as well: love.

There's been a lot of soul searching in my own life lately and the realization that we are only put on this Earth for one reason: love.

Take a chance and read Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson whether you are in a relationship or not right now is irrelevant because the truth is we are in relationships every day, hour and minute of our life. Whether it is whom you just talked to on the phone, a friend you had coffee with or your spouse you are connected. And this extends to yourself; if you don't have an emotional bond with yourself and positive feelings about whom you are it is not going to be what you need.

Maybe you're still grappling with how this is all connected a triple homicide to a premature newborn who will never know his mother? Love is the answer because an abundance of love verses no love at all is the key. Perhaps the translation will be lost in my writing but if you can grasp for a moment how important love, emotion and connection in your life is you will glimpse what your life could be like. Or maybe you are lucky enough to be living it.

Love: emotion in motion. Love isn't just something you say it is a verb. From the love a parent gives, to love between lovers all the way to  love between friends love is those choices and actions you give to a relationship that support, care for and nurture the relationship you are interested in engaging in. Remove the natural bonding and love from a life especially as a child and you have yourself a recipe for a triple homicide.

As more research is being done in the field of love and whether or not we are wired to be together for life the answer is yes! What is even scarier is to realize that the less safe, nurtured and love we feel from our formative years to our adult relationships the more chance we have at straying from a life fulfilled. People don't wake up hating and wanting to kill others; they definitely are not born that way. They have put up walls, barriers and protection to prevent hurt from occurring in their life again. They have reached out to feel love and give love only to be shut down. In order to cope with this cataclysmic disappointment they decide they would be better off by themselves, only to be swayed and invited into circles of people who treated them with "love" and support. These could be gangs or people that are into addictive problems themselves but they all have one thing in common; they become family because no one accepted them "as is" before. 

But wait I can hear you inside your own head...but I am a good parent, spouse, friend, partner, lover, and giver. I run around picking up my kids taking them here, buying fancy gifts for friend's birthdays, telling my spouse I love them before bed every night. I am love.

Really? When you teenager turns on you because you are too busy to listen to them or acknowledge their feelings you wonder why they turn to external sources of pleasure such as other friends, drugs, sex or alcohol. Those don't disappoint. They take them away to great feelings. When was the last time you told a friend how much they really mean to you? When was the last time you felt like your heart was intricately linked with your partners you couldn't believe that love could be that deep or wonderful? Not just by what they provided for you but from words, actions and intent?

Our world is not love, our world is becoming loveless, hopeless and senseless because we believe if we have this then we will be that. Love is not something you can measure, buy or teach. We keep convincing ourselves that we don't need anyone when the complete opposite is true WE NEED EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IN OUR LIFE!  

I don't know the upbringing of the teens involved in the homicides this week and from the outside they could be from great families but the fact is until we understand how to relate to people in terms they understand you may as well be speaking two different languages. Perhaps these teens even if they were from stable families were never allowed opinions, feelings or thoughts that were validated? Our words in life are much stronger weapons than any knife or gun and yet we don't need a license to use those. We can fire off whatever we please on any random person or our closest partner.

Just because you are saying I Love You in Italian to someone who speaks Russian does not mean they will understand what you are saying, words are meaningless then BUT if you show them love by actions that can cross any language barrier possible. Kindness and love do not need words always to be shown. Your words are powerful if we are speaking the same language and you choose them with care.

 

Before you feel that love is an enigma you can't possibly perfect remember this: love is ever changing. What works today may not work tomorrow as well and you have to adapt!! BUT if you remember that kindness and love is the intent you can forgive yourself and others for what didn't work and keep connecting, disconnecting and re-connecting each time. How you know you are finished with life and love is when you don't connect at all...

Take the chance and connect, the risk outweighs the rewards and if they are not you may need to learn the tools to do exactly this!

I Live Life Now,

Lisa Stocking

CSEP-CPT

 

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