Ironically, for many of you the assumption is that this is about weight. Nope. It is not my forte of focusing on weight. Even with my own clients they ask if I notice that they've lost weight...I don't. I do notice however if you've gained a few extra reps in your pushups with better form or gained weight with regards to the heaviness of the dumbbells you're using. I have digressed.
Personally I've had a lot of thought about what we lose when someone leaves us and what we've gained by their presence in our life.
Yesterday was another loss and it is nearing four years of major loss in my life when my Mom passed away.
The minute we are born we are dying. Think about this for a moment; really ponder it. Yes, we grow and age but in reality we begin the transition from life to death at all points in time in our life, because it can happen at any time after we are born (or even conceived).
If someone has touched your life and then leaves, our first response is sadness at the loss from our own life. Understandably sadness is the first emotion we feel. Last night at the thought of a special women who has left us I felt sad, let myself feel that sadness and then swapped my thinking about it into what a gift of life she had and all the wonderful parts of it that she has left behind. There has been a lot of loss lately; seems so many people are transitioning or maybe I'm just finally getting to that age where it becomes more common.
Some people immediately pity me when they realize I'm an only child and both my parents are gone...I don't and please don't. If you really step back from the void in your life and realize all that you have gained by having them in your life and how the experience of being part of their journey even into death is a soul filling prospect. What have you gained through loss?
I've gained resiliency, compassion, patience (some days are better than others), humility, and a deep inner sense of peace by knowing I'm ok no matter what. Don't get me wrong there's some days I'm angry that I don't have that connection or support that most depend on unknowingly but overall it's better than worse.
To dwell on what we've lost is to forget what we've gained by their presence in our life and it becomes a travesty of holding onto suffering because the world wants us to believe it's impossible to be happy in dark times. It may seem tougher to find happiness some times but that again depends on our thinking and where we direct our focus.
Focus on loss every day and feel lost every day. Focus on what you've gained and feel fulfilled every day.
Over the years I've been lucky enough to adopt or be adopted by many people either as pseudo sisters, grandparents or family that I have chosen. And yes, that is a beautiful thing.
Tears may flow and that's ok. Give yourself permission to grieve, whatever that may be for you. Remember to also cherish and celebrate because otherwise the life they have lived has only ended with sadness and I'm pretty sure life is meant to be more than sadness.
I will always remember fresh hot white buns out of the oven cause that's the good stuff!
I Live Life Now,
Paddle Canada Level I SUP Instructor